The Parable of St Polycrap.

Polycrap was a  disciple of St John the Baptist.  The Marcionites, a fairly okay bunch of guys who were just slight fanatics, confronted Polycarap and demanded respect by saying,
"Recognise us, Polycrap."
Polycarp responded,
"I recognise you, yes, I recognise the son of Satan."
Obviously the Marcionites felt a little upset. I mean, who wouldn't be by such rudeness.
Polycrap was evidently desperate not to make friends.
One day the Roman crowd had been watching Christians eaten alive, when the demanded the "atheist Polycrap too". Unfortunately the lions were a bit full, so someone suggested calling crows.
Fortunately there were servants who came running towards Polycrap, but they mistook him for a crow and stabbed him to death.
The crows flew away.
The date was 156 Feb 23.
I hope you can sleep tonight after that story!
Ah, parables can be a bit disturbing at times!

This is how love works.

Number one: you all love me.
Number two: don't get women pregnant unless you're married to them.
Number three: you can love someone of the same sex if you want; shit there are worse things out there!
Yeah, I think that about covers it.
Any questions, just leave a comment and I'll answer it, but don't waste my time with silly shit.

Anyone for murder?

Did you know that when crows get together it's called a 'murder of crows'? One of the craziest oddities of the English language is that there are so many different collective nouns that all mean "group" but which are specific to what particular thing there is a group of: a herd of elephants, a crowd of people, a box of crayons, a pad of paper, etc. There is great diversity of collective nouns associated with animals, from a sleuth of bears to a murder of crows.
What do you think of these?
A cry of hounds, a scold of jays, a shrewdness of apes, a deceit of lapwings, a bother of christians.

But, you have to admit, a murder of crows says it all.

Okay, who has a birthday coming up?

Me dickhead!

Yep, takes me back to thinking of those days when the old man decided to send me down to Earth to save your sorry arses.
Well, hasn't that move paid off well for humanity!
Well, I'll tell you right now, I'm not coming back for a second try. Not bloody likely.
Anyway, Heaven is getting overcrowded with God Botherers; I might just suggest that we send the rest of you souls to Hell.
Why not? I'm tiring of you lot quite a bit. Maybe I'll save dolphins next. They seem like a happy swimmy lot.
I could get them to build churches in the water, and I could give them a waterproof bible. I could even invent dolphin clergy and dolphin Brothers who could fiddle with young dolphins.

Ah well, we'll see after my birthday. I might change my mind, about the dolphin thing, if I get lots of sucking up and lots of presents.

Hell, that's where all these bloggers who question my teaching are going.

So The Curmudgeon and Richard (of RBB) are questioning my teaching. Well, they're both off to Hell. Then let's see how smart they are. I expect that the Twisted Scottish Bastard has a ticket too; a one way ticket.

Okay, I have a birthday coming up.

2010 years ago dad sent me down to Earth (I believe it is now called Jasper) as a baby. My earth (Jasper) dad didn't get his end up, but my earth (Jasper) mum still got pregnant - this way saved a lot of pissing around and money being wasted on a bottle or two of wine to set the scene.
I was born in a manger in the year 0.
There were no crows present in the manger when I was born. That's basically how it went.
Catch you later.

What are the chances?

The chances of being in a plane crash are about the same as winning Lotto, or being in a church when it is hit by lightning. This is why you should spend more time in church. It is a fact that Roman Catholic churches have an even lower incidence of being hit by lightning that any other church. This is because it is the true church and all the others are really fakes. Avoid Anglican churches like the plague and stay well away from anything with an Eastern flavour. God is more on the side of Western countries. He has to make a stand on who he supports because, when there is a war, both sides like to claim that God is on their side. How can he let both sides win? Every war would end in a draw. That's just silly.

All this about priests being paedophiles is crap. Most of them aren't. It's a conspiracy started by athiests. Athiests work for Satan.

There we are, I hope you've learnt something this morning. Go in peace. Unless, of course, your country is imvolved in a war.