The parable of the seraphim who ate a crow.

Seraphim are sort of like boss angels. There was a seraphim called Jake. Obviously, being an angel, Jake didn't have a dick. There was another seraphim called Jenny (really a serapher). Jake had heard the old story that if a seraphim ate a crow he would grow male genitals. Jake made a crow trap and caught a pile of crows.

He plucked one and ate it.
Where his genitals should have appeared he grew a tap.

This was God's way of punishing Jake for being lustful. Also, God fancied Jenny and knew that she would never go out with anyone who had a tap where his penis should be.
The Lord works in mysterious ways; especially when he fancies a serapher.
Dirty old dad!

Easter was a bad time for me.

I guess I should have used some simpler method to save you ungrateful scumbags. The flood idea worked pretty well; good on Noah for getting all those animals on board. Dying on the cross was really just an idea I had when I was feeling a bit almighty. It's funny how you come up with ideas that you regret after you've made the grand statement,
"I'm going to die on a cross to save mankind!"
I should have kept my mouth shut. To be honest, I'd had a couple of wines at the time.
I should have just said,
"I'm going to save mankind by leading an invincible army!"
Something like that, or maybe,
"Follow me and there will always be plenty of wine because I can make it out of water!"
Ah well, it's easy to be wise after the event.
I always feel a little vulnerable at Easter. There are too many old memories I guess.