Tuesday, December 23, 2014

All I Want For Christmas is...

...total world dominance.
Ha, ha, just kidding.
I'm spending Christmas Day* at Richard (of RBB)'s.
People say, "You're getting old Angry Jesus!"

But I tell them, "No, that's in people years. I'm the Son of bloody God. We don't age at the same rate. It's like dog years as opposed to humans."
I guess you could say I'm 33.

Well, give or take a few years. Okay, let's say I'm 42, but still looking damn good.

* my birthday

Sunday, December 21, 2014

It's my birthday soon.

I'll be 2014 this year. I'm one of those people who have a birthday that falls on Christmas Day. I wonder what Dad will give me this year?
Some years he's a bit of a prankster.
One year he gave me a book.

One year he gave me a necklace.
It was just like mum's and he made us both wear them and have our pictures taken. We both gave him the finger.
Dad doesn't have a birthday because he always has been and always will be.
Tough shit Dad.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

God is everywhere!

As part of The Holy Trinity I am everywhere too. You see, there are three of us that make up God - The Father, The Son* and Mum (aka The Holy Spirit).
I've got to admit that I'm sick of seeing people go to the toilet. Especially old people. Being everywhere is not all it is cracked up to be.

You'd be surprised what I have to watch; but let's not go there right now.
I'm just popping over to read Richard's Bass Bag.
Might see you there, or in church, or in Hell if you're not going to church.

* me

Monday, November 24, 2014

God The Father to retire.

This is how God The Father looked a few thousand years ago.
In those days he could scare the shit
out of most people.

Please note that the grey hair is proof that God does age.

This is how he looks today.
Sort of explains the dropping numbers of
It's time for Dad to retire. I'll be taking over.
There shouldn't be any problems, just worship me instead of Dad.
He'll be comfortable up here in Heaven. He's getting a bit forgetful these days but we're arranging meals on wheels and we have an angel coming in to clean. Fortunately us gods don't need to go to the toilet because God The Father could be a bit incontinent.
Hey, but that's not really your business, silly little creations.
Just remember to worship me.
Over and out for now.
Keep the praying coming.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

New rule for Christians?

Ha ha! Jokes!
Get out of bed, you lazy arses!

Worship me.

I'm thinking of moving all church services from Sunday to Monday so that you can all have a sleep in after Saturday.

Friday, November 14, 2014

God competition.

I'm not a great fan of competition, especially when it comes to other people claimimg to be, or believe in, other deity. That's why I settled on the clause, "If you don't believe in me, you're damned." It is a phrase that has served me well over the years.

Monday, April 28, 2014