Honour the third commandment, for my sake!

Okay, there's too much swearing in the world right now. It's like bloody people have forgotten where to find adjectives and exclamations.
I don't really mind the 'f' word, but it's when people use my friggin' name when they stuff up, or are angry.
If I hit my finger with a hammer, I don't pick up a phone book, find a random name and say it.
I don't turn to page 154, scroll down with my finger, and stop at one name.
"Francis-Smythe, Jeremy. Hey, I'll use that. Jeremy Francis-Smythe!"

I mean, I don't even know the guy. Why would I want to say his name because I am pissed off?
Read the old testament, morons made in my image, in those days we didn't piss around. Dad, mum (aka the holy spirit - nothing to do with the fact that she drinks a bit too much) and I didn't take shit from anyone. Well, we're getting back to that approach in my new book - The Newer Testament; it's designed to replace that PC follow up to the old testament.
So watch it, you lot of pathetic followers who just happen to look a bit like me, the mamby pamby bloody days are over.

The Newer Testament (Part II)

1.5 People need a sign. I don't know why but people like signs. Signs are pretty easy to do. I'm not really talking about a sign like this.

More like this.

1.6 Yes, I like that one. It's sort of symbolic. It has that crucifix link - people will get the idea of who it is from.
1.7 Though this one could work too.

You know - don't eat the apple!
1.8 Maybe I could just go on TV?
1.9 No. People don't really believe TV anymore - too many bloody reality shows.
2.0 Maybe I should work through a blog. A simple blog... not too popular and not with a religious theme. I'll use my godly powers to find one.
Ah, this one looks interesting!

The Newer Testament (Part I)

I've decided to write the third part of the Testament trilogy, the other two parts being The Old and The New.

1.1 Things are not all that they should be on planet Jasper (aka Earth). Too many people are getting fat and the youth are out of control. God thinks that we may need a new set of commandments, but where is Charlton Moses when you need him?
God will have to deliver His commandments to someone else, but this person will first have to prove himself.
1.2 God, The Father of all men, is thinking. Will He wipe out the existing population and start again? He decides to basically go with what He has got.
1.3 God decides to update His image. The beard is gone and He now wears a business suit. He is the CEO if the biggest corporation ever.

1.4 His Only Begotten Son will be taking a slightly different marketing approach too.