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| Baxter |
Baxter 7:33-1
At the end of a long day Baxter liked nothing better than sharing a glass of wine and a story with his admirers. Here's a story he told on quite a few occasions.
Many years ago in the land of Yimmin the people decided to change from their nomadic lives and build towns. The first town was built by a man called Rigid. He thought a lot before building the first town in Yimmin. He called the town Bazbag.
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| Bazbag |
He was careful to put his town by a water source so that people would have somewhere to go to the toilet and collect drinking water.
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He even built a little out house that could flush
straight into the river.
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Apart from some people dying mysteriously, Bazbag flourished and many outsiders came to live there.
One was named Pota and he liked what Rigid had done. He liked it so much that he decided to build his own town nearby. He called his town Cumgruge.
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| Cumgruge |
Cumgruge never really took off because people were happy living in Bazbag.
So Comegrudge built many towns.
They were all near Cumgruge. These were specialist towns. One town had fifteen shield and spear shops.
Another had twenty dairies.
Another had seventeen stables.
And on it went.
Pota of Cumgruge was not attracting people to his towns, so he thought of a plan.
He would combine all the towns into what he thought would be a great city. He decided to call his city Ink.
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| Ink |
God and His only begotten son Angry Jesus were displeased by Pota of Cumgruge Ink's extravagance. They decided to punish him.
God decreed that he would make Pota of Cumgruge Ink obsessed with windows and that any time he, or his followers, put a chair outside it would blow over.
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| Remember God does work in mysterious ways. |
Pota of Cumgruge Ink became a bit of a bore about his windows and, because of his chairs blowing over problem, barbeques became very unpopular in Ink. Basically Ink became a pretty drab place to live. Most people in Ink were grumpy. In the Yimmin language the word for a grumpy person was 'Cumutdgoen'.* Outsiders called the people of Ink Cumutgoens and the name sort of stuck.
His admirers always enjoyed Baxter's stories but this one was their favourite. It was passed on from father to son. (It must be made clear that this 'passing on' was not by word of mouth, but by precise notes. The Yimminonians were known as good writers and their language was quite precise. In fact, our word 'precise' comes from the Yimminonian word 'preshise'.)
* incidently this is where the English word 'curmudgeon' comes from.
Wow, great post Angry Jesus.
ReplyDeleteBaxter was basically a bore.
ReplyDeleteHis 'admirers' were in fact relatives who listened to the old cu...cousin's silly stories because they were hoping to inherit. Every get together was the same with old Baxters' obsession over Pota of Cumruge's success dominating conversation and sucking all the fun out of what should have been fun occasions. Eventually Bazbag was declared an unsafe place to live due to the toxicity of the river and the drinking water. Those residents who hadn't died from typhoid and cholera moved far away or resettled in Cumruge which had had the sense to encourage engineers and planners to join the incorporation and they created a safe and clean living environment.
Baxter progressively declined, drinking more wine but of lesser quality while talking to himself. One day he disappeared and most people thought that he fell into the hole of his long-drop toilet and never got out. He wasn't missed.
Gosh, that's a bit hard on the Sacred Book of Baxter. Are you questioning the validity of The Book of Baxter?
ReplyDeleteBloody hypocritical bastards!
ReplyDeleteI thought those god jokers were supposed to care about people. I slaved away for years as an altar boy and a sacristan with the props for their stupid and arcane church services and now they don't even "blink of the eye to Curmudgeon."
"Remember when Moses asked to see God?
ReplyDeleteGod said no because it would kill Moses!"
WTF!
So god is too dangerous to see now is he. Is he bloody radioactive? Well it'd explain the burning bushes, walls falling down, strange markings on stone tablets etc.
Maybe all this biblical mumbo jumbo has some basis of truth in that 2 to 3 thousand years ago the world was shattered by some kind of nuclear explosions directed at us from extraterrestrials?
Makes as much sense as all that Holy Spirit shit that Robert throws at us.
"The Hebrews carefully rewrote every book with accuracy. It was not passed down verbally!"
ReplyDeleteGood point Robert, my son. Yes Baxter had Hebrew blood but he also had a bit of Spanish and Icelandic blood. He was truely a man of the world.
However, when I said, "It was passed on from father to son." I didn't make it clear that they actually passed written notes. The Yimminonians were known as good writers and their language was quite precise. In fact, our word 'pricise' comes from the Yimminonian word 'preshise'.
Sorry Robert, I'll correct the text.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I meant 'precise' not 'pricise'. It wasn't a typo, I was just seeing if you'd pick up the bad spelling.
ReplyDeleteOK, so where is the news?
ReplyDeleteThis stuff is so old no-one would even wrap their fish and chips in it.
"Not even an advertisement. More like a billboard or a poster above a urinal"
ReplyDelete- just getting in early. This comment will be for the next very simple post.