New Plan. The 3rd Testament is off.

Yes, that's right, it's off.
I think we need to get back to basics, so we're putting the New Testament aside too.
We're going with the Old Testament.

And we're going to be taking it literally.

Word for word.

It'll be wise for you to brush up on your Old Testament geography.

Media is where the press first heard about The Old Testament.

Here's a few notes to get you going:

• Asia Minor is where musical keys were first thought up.
• Egypt has been there a bloody long time.
• Armenia is where the word "amen' comes from.
• Persia is where the household cat originated from.
• Assyria is where the phrase 'Are you serious?' originated.

See, the Old Testament is full of hidden facts. It's an interesting book but, most importantly, 

it doesn't piss around.

Okay, there's work to be done. You can get back to worshiping me now.