Abihu (TMWTT) lived a long life and bred like a rabbit.
But finally his time came and he met St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St Peter looked at him and said he had to first answer three questions.
Abihu thought for a moment and said, "I will make you a bet that I can give the answers to each of your questions before you ask them."
"What are my three questions?" St Peter asked.
Abihu quickly replied, "Well, there's your first!"
"But you said you'd tell me before I asked them." retorted St Peter. "Have you really got three testicles?"
"As surely as Aitradu the midget blacksmith of Nesaru will never be called a big guy." Abihu replied in an attempt to throw St Peter off balance.
Just then Angry Jesus walked up to the two ex-men.
"It was me who gave him the extra testicle. Stop making such a big thing out of it Pete. Let the guy in."
St Peter was visibly pissed off but had no choice but to obey his saviour.
Abihu grinned at St Peter as he entered. He turned out to be as popular with the ladies in Heaven as he had been back on Jasper.*
Unfortunately sex doesn't really work in Heaven. What would be the point? I mean, you have to die to get there, not be born. Still Abihu enjoyed a good eternity and tried to avoid grouchy old St Peter as much as possible.
 |
| "I'd like to get that three testicled shit Abihu!" |
Parables generally have a moral. The moral here is that if Angry Jesus gives you an extra testicle, things will probably turn out okay - for eternity.
* aka Earth
Come on, get real. St Peter and the Archangels would have kicked the shit out of Abihu as soon as Angry Jesus had left and rammed those three tennis balls back up inside him.
ReplyDeleteWrong old guy. It's all about protection. Here's some advice for you... go to church.
ReplyDeleteYou could even worship me while you were there. No pressure though.
ReplyDeleteKMA!
ReplyDeleteThose Archangels are really big!
ReplyDeleteLike you are looking at a ten story Archangel with huge wings flapping I don't think Abihu would have stood a chance either.
If those angels are so big, how do they fit into Heaven?
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't create just the earth!
Our universe is huge but wow how bit is heaven?
The Holy Ghost can fill you in if you speak to Him. He's a beautiful person that is easy to converse with.
"The Holy Ghost can fill you in if you speak to Him. He's a beautiful person that is easy to converse with."
ReplyDeleteRight. This smacks of empirical knowledge. It suggests that firstly you have seen this joker to know that he/she/it is beautiful in person or in nature and secondly you have spoken with him/her/it.
This is a game-changer.
Where did god live before he created heaven?
ReplyDeleteRichard, it's trouble makers like you that the Spanish Inquisition was made for.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I know - "No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition"
ReplyDeleteWhere did god live before he created heaven?
ReplyDeleteI've often wondered that too.
It's not a silly question.
Maybe it is an other facet to creation that God has not revealed.
Yep, that's the way to go just like all christians when faced with the illogic of their argument - 'God will provide' or, 'God knows best' or 'The Almighty keeps back secrets for our own good'.
ReplyDeleteGive us a break!